The Storm Before the Calm: Chapter 1

Christmas Day, 2020

October, November and December. Halloween, Macy's Day Parade, Thanksgiving, Christmas, anniversaries and birthdays. 

The last 3 months of the year are my favourite. On the first of October, the decorations come out, and they stay out in varying forms and colours until the January blues. My Spotify account gets taken over by Tim Burton movie soundtracks, followed by Mariah Carey and Michael Bublé. Candles, fairy lights, fireplaces. I love it all.

When Covid hit we were still living in the south of Malta. I was 8 years into a job with a good company, but in a soul-crushing industry. I was at the mercy of my work inbox on my personal phone. First thing I did when I woke up every morning - check my emails. Last thing I did before I slept - check my emails. For as long as I can remember, I had been living with various forms of anxiety. During this period, it would peak when I knew I had an unread email. I couldn't take a day off without making sure that the "unread" count was down to zero every half hour.

One would think that periods like Christmastime would be different, where everyone would briefly switch off. But the clients were relentless, the so-called "hustlers" who did not know the difference between night and day, and would take no prisoners in making sure they met their year-end deadlines.

And so, there I was, Christmas morning in Gozo visiting family, going for a walk to the Calypso Cave, where I'm supposed to be enjoying one of the merriest days of the year. In reality, all I could think of was whether the transactions I was working on had managed to go through in time without any hiccups. When Connie snapped the photo of me she was not fully aware of the mayhem that was going through my mind. But when I saw it, I determined two things.

One, my hairline was terrible. And two, the stress and worry on my face was too evident, even behind the mask. That day - that specific moment - was a key one for me, for I knew that would be making major changes to our lives to protect our sanity and the wellbeing of our family as a whole.